Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind the in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. the second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Two eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, their boat sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", the manager said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal". The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. A rival florist thought the competition was unfair and asked the good monks to close down. They didn't so the florist hired a vicious thug, Hugh McTaggart to "persuade" them to close shop. He was successful, proving the Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Mahtma Gandhi walked barefoot and had tremendous callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and gave him bad breath. You might say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by hallitosis. That's where Mary Poppins got the idea for her song.

Finally, there was the man who sent ten different puns to his family, hoping they would make them laugh. Unfortunately no pun in tend did.

How excited am I to have everyone together in five days? Excited enough to start reciting puns again!

Funk Soul Poppa